thinking about making a new blog.

i’d be keeping this one because sometimes, i just need a place to write about this whole journey. but a lot of the time, i feel like there are so many things i cant post on here, so many people that i dont want to see it, etc.

let me know if you have any thoughts or if you’d want to follow.

-R

Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.
Paul Coelho (via makedubnotwar)

(Source: infinitives)

when i look in the mirror

i cant see what i really look like. i cant see how small i really am. its only when i catch my reflection in an unexpected place that i catch a glimpse. sure i can see hip bones and collar bones. sure if i move a certain way, my ribs look so pronounced. i wont deny that my thighs no longer touch. yeah, i can see all that in the mirror, but i dont look SMALL. i dont look like a tiny little waif-like fairy. i dont look like this itty bitty thing you could through over your shoulder. i look huge in my size 0 jeans but if i take them off and hold them up, they’re incredibly small. i hate this. i hate not being able to feel like myself. i cant stand thinking, i look like shit when i know i honestly am kind of pretty. i dont want to live like this. its not happiness. its barely even surviving. im just… there. in a body that isnt mine.

i have such a headache and i have an interview in two hours. fmlll